I've never felt this stressed...

I am experiencing an unbelievable amount of pressure. Never in my life have I felt this forced to the edge. I'm sitting now, looking over at a half inked Batman page, and it's just looking poor, poor, poor. All I can think about is how I have a flat book layout due at 2 p.m. tomorrow which I haven't been able to start because of this batman page, and the 3 assignments for work that need doing cause they've sent me an e-mail asking if I'd made any progress since last time. Also in my e-mail was a reminder that the senior film I have been kept from by other classes and obligations, is wrapping up in 4 1/2 weeks, and I feel awful that I've been able to do so little on it thus far, ESPECIALLY since she worked so hard on my senior film last quarter. I really feel just awful and terrible and crummy about my lack of dedication to that film, and I have no one to blame but myself, but even accepting the blame isn't enough, because if her film doesn't hit deadline, it's partially my fault (though I'll feel as if it is entirely my fault - I should be working on her stuff, not mine). I've still not recorded final sound for my film, or added shadows, or been able to do a final clean-up pass. My girlfriend has been under an unbelievable amount of stress with family related deaths/sicknesses, which has in turn transfered stress over to me. I still have a handful of projects to finish for my portfolio to strengthen it, and all I'd like to do is sit in open model sessions this Friday to bulk up on the 50 pages of figure drawings that are due at the end of the quarter for penciling and inking. I've yet to do any of the reading this week due to 3 or 4 other projects for my online art history class, and I have test due before Friday, and I'm rather sure a rough draft of a research paper due before Sunday.

When you know that you can't possibly do you best work in order to hit deadlines, not only do you suffer mentally, but when you hit critiques in class, everyone just thinks your work is bad, when it's simply a matter of priority. So you shake it off, knowing you're doing the right thing - putting your attention where it matters, but the harsh criticism lingers, because you blame it on lack of effort. When in reality, you're working harder then ever before.

This is not real life. How can it be? I'm not trying to make excuses, but it's honestly not fair. Life isn't fair, I know, I know - how can it be, but I'm just feeling freaking abused right now. And I'm getting no sympathy, which again - awww, poor baby. Suck it up, right? But I'm reaching the breaking point, and I'm gonna need to start making some serious decisions and commitments to certain things and let the rest of the chips fall where they may. I hate, hate, HATE that idea - not trying or even attempting certain things in order to hit deadlines of other things, but I honestly have no choice. My career as a professional, industry artist FAR surpasses my career as a college student.

Well, time to face my rushed and messy comic page in hopes I can touch my flat book before it's due later today.

Sleep and Music

I don't much care for sleep these days. It's not that I don't like sleep, because sleep is the first thing I think about when I wake up. And as much as I love a good 10 hour session watching eyelid movies, I can't help but feel detached from everything that happened the day before. Whether it's for better or worse, every time I go to sleep, I reset myself. I suppose it all comes down to a matter of perception, but if it were up to me, I'd love to carry over the feeling of accomplishment after a hard days work, or the inspiration you get from seeing a great piece of work. But at the end of the day, you close your eyes and you start completely new again. I suppose it's moments like that, coupled with the resetting each day that makes those moments so nice and memorable.

Either way, I thought I'd introduce something to the blog that I've been doing on my own time. Taking a song or piece of music, and writting about whatever it inspires me to write about. So here goes:

"Assault on Precinct Zero"
This song is supremely catchy. Created by the guys who wrote the soundtrack to a favorite animated movie of mine, Tekkonkinkreet, done by Studio 4c, I'd have to say that this is one of my favorites by them. If artist Koji Morimoto had a theme song, this would be it. If my inner child had a theme song, this would be ONE of them (because I see my inner child as amorphous, or constantly changing, so it would need more then 1 song). The most fun about this song though, is that it tells a story. A beginning, middle, and end, as most songs should have, but this story is fun, and pretty evident. A story about a hero, who conquerors evil, but doesn't for a moment lose sight of his own innocence. A little deep there, but you get the point.

Well, that's it for now. It's been a long night with no sleep, and I need to put some finishing touches on a 1 page spread. Till next time then.